Not-So-Great Expectations

One of the most humbling experiences of my life has been coming to the realization that I don’t deserve to have my expectations fulfilled.

I have a lot of expectations. Now I’m beginning to see how meaningless they are. Here are some, as an example:

Get married.
Have children.
Buy a house.
Have solely pleasant relationships.
Have a happy life.
Achieve all of the above by incrementally becoming a better person.

This is actually a pretty basic set of expectations for the average person; I’m not even going to touch the subsets of each one.

The gist of it is, if these things don’t come to fruition, we are severely disappointed. Have you noticed that?

In my estimation, expectations are formed from our perceptions of reality (how life is) plus our ideals and standards (how life should be), resulting in our dreams or goals (how life will be in the near to distant future).

The problem with this is that God is truth, and God defines truth, and we are subject to that truth. Whatever is happening right now IS, so there is no “should” or “shouldn’t.” God purposes for things to happen, and that’s the way they’ll happen whether we like it or not. We most definitely have the ability to make choices that will affect the direction of our lives, but we likely will not achieve everything on our list, because much of it is outside our control.

So, more important than our ability to control our circumstances is the practice of choosing how to respond to our circumstances. If we are guided by our expectations, we will continue to be disappointed by what God has handed to us (oh no, it’s never OUR fault that we don’t get what we want. We had nothing to do with this mess). But if we drop our expectations entirely and adopt an attitude of seeking what God wants for us, we’ll start wanting what He wants. Hint: God always gets what He wants.

Practically speaking, for me, this means:

1. Recognizing first and foremost that I am a redeemed creature and God has begun something in my life that is irreversible; namely, conforming me to the image of Jesus Christ my rescuer. What more could I want?
2. Letting go of each expectation, one by one. This is easier when they have already failed to materialize. Careful study of my own devastated heart has repeatedly revealed that I was desiring the wrong thing.
3. Choosing to hold each new circumstance up to God’s light for examination rather than passing blind judgment on it.
4. Allowing myself and others to fail, knowing that perfection is twofold:  a) God has already made me perfect through Christ (Hebrews 10:14), therefore I am forgiven and able to forgive, and b) I am still being made holy, and will be temporally affected by sin until I take my last breath in this life.

As per usual, this was intended to be a short post. I didn’t realize I was going to write this, but here we are. A closing thought to chew on, if your spiritual stomach is rumbling:

“And where these [sins and lawless acts] have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin. Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.”

Hebrews 10:18-23, NIV

Lest I Forget

God,

I admit that I’ve been trying to live my life in my own strength. I’ve been trying to earn my salvation by trying harder to be perfect. I have believed the lie that if I can just be “good” enough, You will approve of me.

Father, I have overlooked the cross. I have become a Pharisee. Though I have accepted Your Son, I have been trying to operate under the Law rather than under your Grace.

Thank you for Jesus Christ. Thank you for sending Him to die, as my replacement. Thank you for making it possible for us to have a relationship. Thank you for calling me, before the beginning of time, to be conformed to the Image of Christ.

Thank you for fulfilling Your promises to me. Thank you for putting me through the fire, so that I can be tested and refined. I’m so glad that I don’t have to try to be perfect! I’m so amazed that You perfected me the moment You brought me out from under sin and gave me new life in the Spirit.

Help me to walk in the Spirit. Help me to be thankful. Help me to desire Your heart. Help me to withstand temptation of any kind. Help me to listen to Your voice rather than the competing voices around me.

I want to put away the old me. You have given me a new name. You have made me one with Christ, and we have an inseparable union. Therefore I do not live, but Christ lives in me. He is my strength. I do not want to do anything apart from Him.

God, I recognize that as long as I walk on this earth, there will be a spiritual battle for my attention. The forces of darkness will try to lead me astray and distract me from realizing Your purpose for me. Help me to put on the armor with which you have equipped me, and help me to resist the Enemy’s attacks.

I know that I will have trouble in this world. I will have days when I feel hopeless and lost. Unlovable, forgotten. Beyond repair. Thank you that none of those things are true. Thank you that Jesus Christ has overcome the world and all its sorrow. Thank you for being faithful, and reminding me of Your love as you did today.

I love you, El Roi. Thank you for seeing Your Son in me.

I love you, El Shaddai. Thank you for being all I need and more.

I love you, El Elyon. Thank you for being in control of all things.

I love you, Lord Sabaoth. Thank you for delivering me.

Amen.

Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.

Dear Satan,

You’re very clever. Disguising yourself as light, while beneath your white robe, you are the very embodiment of darkness. Good job. You fooled me.

You reminded me of how sinful I am. You whispered into my ear whenever I had a moment to myself. Whenever I found cause for joy, you reminded me I had more cause for anger. You entered my mind, your voice mimicked my own. I thought my thoughts were my own, but you were there, putting the words into my head.

Why shouldn’t I have believed you? You spoke truth. At first. You reminded me of all the things I have done wrong. All of the things I shouldn’t have said. All of the things I shouldn’t have thought. All of the good I could have done, and yet refrained from doing.

Nice tactic. You got me so wrapped up in myself, so miserable with the person I am, and set the evidence right in front of me. It’s like you made a scrapbook of my life, and sat down to flip through it with me. Instead of recalling fond memories, though, you only showed me the dirt. The stuff I thought was tucked away for good. The stuff I thought nobody knew. The stuff that would condemn me.

But you left out the most important truth. God loves me. Not the eventually-sinless-when-she-finally-keels-over-Marissa, but the Marissa who has been saved from herself (and from you) by the only one who could ever accomplish something so impossible. By Jesus Christ. He who knew no sin became sin for me. So I could stand before God, blameless, holy, washed clean.

I am a new person. I’m not who I was. I died, and my life is hidden with Christ in God. Christ is in me, and I am in Christ. I am seated with Him in Heaven. God looks at me, and sees Christ. We cannot be separated. I go where He goes. He goes where I go. His love has no limits. His grace has no boundaries.

You see, my whole life, you’ve been trying to tell me that I need to earn God’s love. That His grace is dependent on my good behavior. That He frowns upon me when I slip up. But God says that where there is forgiveness, there is no longer any offering for sin. By the offering of His Son, he has perfected for all time those who are sanctified. My new self is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created me. My heart is sprinkled clean from an evil conscience. There is nothing I can do to get closer to God. I am as close to Him as breathing. As close as Christ!

No more striving. No more crying out in desperation for God’s forgiveness. I AM forgiven. Sins past, sins present, and sins future. Nothing can take that away. Nothing can make that less true. Not Satan, not me, not any voice of darkness, nor “angel of light.”

Thank you, God.

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,

‘For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.’

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:31-39

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.” Ephesians 6:10-13

Lead me on level ground

Hear my prayer, O Lord,
Give ear to my supplications!
Answer me in Your faithfulness, in Your righteousness!

And do not enter into judgment with Your servant,
For in Your sight no man living is righteous.

For the enemy has persecuted my soul;
He has crushed my life to the ground;
He has made me dwell in dark places, like those who have long been dead.

Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;
My heart is appalled within me.

I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all Your doings;
I muse on the work of Your hands.

I stretch out my hands to You;
My soul longs for You, as a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord, my spirit fails;
Do not hide Your face from me,
Or I will become like those who go down to the pit.

Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning;
For I trust in You;
Teach me the way in which I should walk;
For to You I lift up my soul.

Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies;
I take refuge in You.

Teach me to do Your will,
For You are my God;
Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

For the sake of Your name, O Lord, revive me
In Your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble.

And in Your lovingkindness, cut off my enemies
And destroy all those who afflict my soul,
For I am Your servant.

(Psalm 143, NASB)

On being saved and brought into the fire

“Awake, O sword, against my shepherd,
against the man who is close to me!”
declares the Lord Almighty.
“Strike the shepherd,
and the sheep will be scattered,
and I will turn my hand against the little ones.

In the whole land,” declares the Lord,
“two-thirds will be struck down and perish;
yet one-third will be left in it.

This third I will bring into the fire;
I will refine them like silver
and test them like gold.
They will call on my name
and I will answer them;
I will say, ‘They are my people,’
and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’ “

Zechariah 13:7-9