Words to Live By – James

“Another day that I can’t find my head
My feet don’t look like they’re my own
I’ll try and find the floor below to stand
I hope I reach it once again
And I’m feelin’ the same way all over again”
- Norah Jones “Feelin’ The Same Way”

Today I had one of those mornings where I woke up and found myself standing on the bridge that separates fear and insecurity from confidence and security found in Jesus Christ. I wrestled with whether I was happy or sad. I mostly felt an overarching gloom, and so staying in bed just sounded really good. But of course the sun was rising, and I had meetings and cafeteria food to look forward to at work today! So I mustered up what willpower I could find, and made it to the shower.

Somewhere between brushing my teeth and stepping under hot running water, I remembered God. Rather, He reminded me that He was still there. And no matter how I felt, He was still there, still in control, still sovereign. All I needed to do was fall into His arms.

A while back, a friend of mine encouraged me to memorize the first chapter of the book of James. I think I got as far as verse 8. But the first few verses conveniently popped into my mind as I tried washing away my exhaustion this morning.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)

Sometimes I say a verse so many times that I begin to lose some of its meaning. But sometimes, thankfully, a new concept in the verse pops out which I hadn’t thought of before.

“The testing of your faith develops perseverance.”

The testing of my faith? Really? Isn’t that, like, wrong? I mean, I could see “the testing of your patience” or “the testing of your strength” (which are included), but my faith? How can I get so low, so confused, that I doubt who I am in Christ? Can I even do that and still call myself a Christian?

But I had to think about those moments where my faith has been tested. Those moments where I’m not even sure I want to continue on. That everything I live for is completely pointless. That God couldn’t possibly forgive what I have done. That I can’t forgive myself, and that others certainly shouldn’t forgive me.

Have I thought those things? Certainly. Am I still a child of God? Absolutely. Should I doubt? No, definitely not. Just a couple verses later, James says “he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”

But the whole point of my faith being tested is so that God can show Himself faithful to me, and so that I can grow in the knowledge of His love. Since I belong to God, I can stand to be tested. My faith will only be stronger for it. And God will be glorified.

Those trials don’t seem so bad, now. I can actually see how it really is possible to “consider it pure joy.” Another friend reminded me that, “in view of eternity, if you suffered every day of your life, and then lived in the joy of God for the rest of eternity, it would be worth it.” And it will be. So, I’ve decided to no longer feel guilty for those faith-shaking moments. They happen to the best of us, and God is always right there with us, because we belong to Him and He has promised to never leave us or forsake us.

And that is more than enough to make it through any day, no matter how gloomy.